make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
