i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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