but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
