Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My feet surprised me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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