i already hear my dad disowning me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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