my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
