Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
