Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
