because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
