hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
