Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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