My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
