I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
