She went from zero to smokin in five shots
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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