I like to think it a success when the cops are called
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
