i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
