I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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