I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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