i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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