Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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