Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
