Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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