I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
