a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
