whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
