i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
