Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
