Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
