I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize