Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
