You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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