I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
