i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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