i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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