Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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