I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize