I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
