I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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