If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
