I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
