ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
