We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
