I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
