I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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