Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
