yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
People in love make me want to vomit
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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