I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
