at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I love having hate sex.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
