I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
