No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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