I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
