The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
