Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
