4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
