Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Drunk is a universal language darling
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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