You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
