i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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