Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
