I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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