I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
