Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
