Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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