I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
What a dumb baby whore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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