i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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