you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize