She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
