we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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