Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
