alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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