Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
