Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize