why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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