Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
