there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
