People in love make me want to vomit
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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