Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
