Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
