Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
