Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
